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Whether you love it or hate it, you almost definitely have an opinion about oral sex, especially when it comes to performing oral sex. Sometimes you're into it, sometimes you're not, sometimes it's all about just focusing on trying not to gag if your partner has a penis, and sometimes you just give oral just so you can get some oral of your own in return. Like any other sex act out there, how women feel about giving blow jobs or cunnilingus can often depend on mood.
Societal viewpoints on oral sex have shifted over time, too. In The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior inwhich was the first major sex study since Masters and Johnson in the '60s — just 18 percent of women surveyed preferred oral sex when it came to reaching an giving.
However, a smaller study of just 43 participants in showed that perhaps attitudes are changing. In this study, 75 percent of subjects had positive views of oral sex when it came to having on orgasm or even just experiencing pleasure. Oral isn't just about the physical sensations at play, but other factors too. For example, there is a power dynamic and a vulnerability at woman during oral sex.
Sometimes, the person on the receiving end of oral sex is being pleasured, but also feels vulnerable. Meanwhile the giver, though men an act that usually won't provide them with any direct physical pleasure, holds almost all of the power in the situation.
But head times, that power dynamic is reversed — especially when people feel obligated to perform oral sex on their partner, even though they may not be even remotely interested in doing it. Because there are more than a few reasons why oral sex may be both emotionally and physically complicated, Bustle asked women their thoughts on giving oral sex — to any gender — and their answers didn't disappoint.
From a deep passionate love affair with giving oral, to somewhere between disinterest and total indifference, to straight-up disdain for the act all together, opinions on the topic varied quite a bit. Here are 16 women getting real about their thoughts on performing oral sex — and why they feel the way they do. I hate it. A lot of guys just expect it.
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I honestly don't want your genitals in my mouth. Especially if the guy is one of those ones who push the head down and try to force you. Never works. However, I have come across two guys, and two only, that I have had absolutely no problem doing it for. It usually means I'm very, very, very into them. Especially because I know he loves it.
Joy, 35, has a specific requirement. I hate gagging while giving head!
Sabrina, 27, misses oral sex. Currently, it's not much of a staple in my sex life, and it really bums me out. It feels like something major is missing.
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It's not left out of our sex life by my choice, but by his preference I know it's not for lack of skill on my part! I'm happy that he enjoys intercourse, but without head on the table, it definitely can make sex seem stale.
I mean, there's only so many ways [you can have sex. Mieko, 34, sees the act as intimate. But for someone I am not that into, hell no. Having sex and having oral sex are a bit different. Oral sex is little more personal. Sonya, 20, wonders what it might be like to perform oral sex on a vagina. There's no intrinsic fun in it for me, except that I love him and I want to make him feel good, you know?
This is probably pure fantasy, but I feel like I would enjoy going down on a person with a vagina much more.
2. some women enjoy how much their partner enjoys it
I'm bisexual but have mainly dated guys. Tea, 30, has begun investigating the motivation behind giving oral sex. I also actually like the experience of it, as long as I'm in the mood to be doing it. I also think I like it because, honestly, I've been told by multiple partners that I'm good at it. And it's a pretty big turn-on to be told that, and to go into it with the confidence that you're going to rock somebody's world, as it were.
However, when I was in college, I used to give blow jobs to pretty much every guy I had sex with, largely because I felt like it was expected of me and not a 'big deal' compared to having sex.
I think it dawned on me sometime in my 20s how much entitlement there is in our woman regarding male-centric sexual pleasure generally, and blow jobs specifically — and how many times in my life I've personally given head because I felt like it was what I was supposed to do, not because it was what I particularly wanted to do.
And needless to say, in most of the situations where I felt that way, I wasn't really enjoying the sex that much. I loved to do it, because I loved him. Ilana, 24, needs a little verbal reassurance. I love it when I can tell my partner, male or female, is enjoying it. If I can't tell, I get nervous and flustered and feel sexually head. Hence my general preference for partners who are either verbal or at least use their vocal cords during sex.
When there's silence, and I can't tell if I'm giving pleasure to my partner, it totally takes me out of the moment. I am usually completely unselfconscious during sex the only time I am ever unselfconsciousbut the giving I start to worry that my intuition is not as good as I think it is, I stop enjoying giving oral sex. On the other hand, I have a very small mouth and a somewhat easily triggered gag reflex, and have met too many dudes that feel entitled to blow jobs, so this is not something I do for men when we FIRST get together.
It is a lot of work for me and quite frankly, I'm not doing it unless I feel I am getting something in return. Ladies are a different story. In both cases, I tend to prefer it as a warm-up rather than the main event. It's hot to see your partner so turned on, but then I tend to get impatient and want to jump to other things. Holly, 29, had a challenging first oral sex experience. Like, even when he had just gotten out of the shower. I know he loves it, so I just love it, too.
Catherine, 26, tends to use oral sex as foreplay.
Some days, I feel super confident doing them; a lot of people say it, but it really is a turn-on to see the effect it has on my partner. That said, I have a sensitive gag reflex and a jaw that tends to cramp up, so I usually can't entirely finish him off.
Still, it's fun to get him pretty close before climbing on top of him. Kerry, 25, likes how much it arouses a partner. Samantha, 20, loves oral but hates how it feels to give.
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I guess it's because it's kind of playful. I don't feel a lot of pressure, because most guys love them, right? Or at least I've never had a complaint! I guess I just find them head I'm not very squeamish about sex, really, and I think it's quite a turn-on to be that intimate. It doesn't bother me if there are fluids involved, because I only put penises in my mouth that belong to guys I find really hot. I think being that intimate with someone is really hot! Caitlin, 28, loves the joy oral sex brings. There's a power in your sexuality when you give head, and it can be really fun if you embrace it.
And if I'm with a good partner, it makes me happy that I'm giving them so much enjoyment. I'm in a long-term committed woman and we both love giving and receiving, and pretty much start off that way before we have sex every time. As is the case with any sexual act, you're under no obligation to give your partner oral sex. But if you love it, then go for it. If it's not your cup of tea, then it's not your cup giving, so take it off the menu. Boundaries exist for a reason.
Whether or not you enjoy oral sex may come down men technique, methods, secret tricks, and enthusiasm. If you're not a fan of oral, for whatever reason, then this is something worth discussing with your partner, according to Queen.
Sometimes people don't like things because they don't understand them or feel like they might be doing it wrong. This heightened sense of competence can be a turn-on for some people. Second, remember that you are the one performing oral sex, so you have a major say in the matter, from beginning to end. Do it! Your partner is thrusting too hard for your comfort? Tell them to stop and receive. Let it be a sensual experience for you, too, not just for them. Janus, S. The Janus report on sexual behavior.
Women's negotiation of cunnilingus in college hookups and relationships. J Sex Res.